Corbis
Subtle flirtations were the first things I noticed. I determined that the random booty grabs and slick pickup lines were nothing more than funny figments of my imagination. I mean, this was coming from my best friend after all, not some guy I’d swiped right on Tinder or picked up late night in a club. No. This guy knows me almost as well as I know myself, like family even, so my mind couldn’t even begin to process it. That is until it was smack dab in my face in the form of a casual hangout-turned-date and a throwback Instagram post about Sidney and Dre (see: Brown Sugar).
At first, I didn’t want to accept that my best friend wanted to explore his feelings for me. I’d rejected it as much as hip-hop denies Iggy Azalea and chalked up his newfound interest in me as nothing more than some last ditch effort to conquer what had been uncharted territory before he had to jet off to L.A. As these unspoken feelings became word vomit (via text), I’d begun to pretty much mourn a friendship I’d cherished for years, knowing that there wasn’t any going back.
You see, I’ve done this song and dance before with the real Dre of my life. Back when Atlanta was overrun by local artists (Outkast, Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz, Jagged Edge) and New Orleans was running rap (The Hot Boy$, No Limit Soldiers), I was unknowingly stirring up chemistry with a friend. It would take at least another decade for either one of us to act on it. Fast forward through college and two failed attempts at a real relationship, and he got married, enlisted in the military and had a kid…
And nothing was the same. (We might talk once every few months.)
So like an encore presentation, my current BFF was forcing me to relive this scenario. To my friends and family’s point, which, I must add, they make incessantly, best friends do make the best lovers. But I don’t believe the best love needs to literally come from your best friend. Plus, it’s only unbridled bliss in the event that both parties are actually willing participants of this out-of-the-blue romance.
And if this is a rom-com fairytale come true, shouldn’t I feel more joy as opposed to sadness? There should be that giddy butterfly feeling, right? The one that makes women go gaga over good guys?
Instead, I’m left asking, “What is life?”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t tossed around the idea of us being together in my noggin every time an outsider wondered why me and the homie were so close. This is a person who I deeply care about and consider a support system. He’s family in every sense of the word, who no matter what happens will have someone who loves him in this world – me. But the fleeting thought of us being an actual couple is immediately clipped by my anger over such silly circumstances. Losing a friend to the unknown of a long distance situationship is petty. And as much as I’d like it to be, love is not like the movies.
So because everything in life comes with a price, the dynamic of our friendship is forever changed for the sake of tiptoeing around emotions. Can my new bae meet my best friend without awkward exchanges? Can I still throw my arms around my BFF for the ‘gram without the “shoulda woulda coulda” subtext? Who knows.
Sure, curiosity caused a kiss and a couple of adult conversations about what could transpire between us in the past, but my mind is made up: I just really want my friend back.
