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By Ms. Kristina Marchant, For YourTango
Some men are only after one thing: a power struggle.
Pulling your hair out, perplexed and frustrated as to why the man you love doesn’t seem to reciprocate your unrequited love? After all, you know that no other woman will ever be as caring and loving as you are with him. Your friends have given up trying to convince you that you’re too good for him. He may have even told you that you deserve better. But despite his lackluster feelings for you, why can’t you stop trying to change him? Why are you holding onto the idea of “I’m the best thing that will ever happen to him?”
Let me guess — in the beginning, he was magical. He treated you better than any man ever has. He seemingly worshiped you and acted pleasantly surprised that such a super woman as yourself gave him the time of day. And this was all happening when you weren’t so nice, so attentive and loving — when you were feeling unsure about him and guarded.
Then you started to care about him. Your heart began to warm over and you started to feel safer in his presence. Soon you were cooking for him, listening to all his problems, working out harder in the gym for him, maybe even buying him things. You were his mother, psychologist, trophy girl and sex kitten all in one. Maybe you were feeling a bit off your center. You weren’t living for your choices anymore; instead, you were influenced by his behavior. You burned bucket-loads of energy on thoughts about him, you became sensitive to his moods, and you planned your week around his schedule.
Then something happened. It was as if he slowly turned around and walked the other way, away from you. He stopped calling as often and metamorphosed into a moody, snippy and cold jerk, as if your love annoyed him.
This isn’t an article about how you lost him because you started to focus on him — that he lost interest because you cared too much or smothered him. Chances are you did nothing unhealthy in the dating relationship. You just started to fall in love, and that’s normal. It’s normal to feel off your center in the beginning of a love affair. It’s normal to think about him and worry about what his actions and words really mean. You cared about him and those feelings made you vulnerable to him. It’s normal that you felt insecure and clingy when he suddenly pulled away without transparent communication — a person with poor conflict resolution skills can bring out your own. Any dating or love advice calling you needy or smothering is only designed to keep you pursuing the wrong type of men.
But here is the real truth: this guy is the wrong guy for you. It’s that simple.
Visit YourTango to read more about why Ms. Marchant thinks you should stop over-analyzing love lost.
