Not long ago I took my 15 month-old son for a visit to my best friend’s house. Her mother-in-law was visiting and was happy to see how much my son had grown since the last time she’d seen him…which was almost a year ago. We talked about how he’s walking and running around getting into everything and developing quite the personality, when suddenly he started motioning towards my breasts. I realized that he hadn’t had anything to drink in a while and was getting sleepy, so I walked over to his diaper bag, grabbed my wrap and covered myself and began to nurse him to sleep.
Mother-in-law was appalled.
“You still breastfeed?! Why!!??”
My response was simply, “Why not?”
She stood staring as if she was expecting me to say more, as if I was obligated to give her an explanation. I just looked back at her, waiting for HER answer to MY question. It was a standoff that lasted maybe 30 seconds before she inquired further. “Does he drink cow’s milk?”
“Yes.”
“Then why breastfeed him?” Again, I didn’t understand why this bothered her so much. I simply said, “Because I want to, and I feel it’s the best thing for him.” I started to explain that he only nursed in the morning and at night before bed or if I was out with him and had no milk or juice with me – but then I stopped myself. Why did I need to explain myself to her? So I just left my short, sweet response as it was. I think she actually rolled her eyes at my answer…but that’s her problem, not mine.
What I think annoyed me the most was that someone, a mother at that, felt she could question my choice as a mother to do what I wanted to do with my son. I wasn’t hurting him, he wasn’t in danger and there was no downside to breastfeeding him at 15 months. And if it isn’t a problem for me, then why did she care? I could see her asking the question…say, if my son was 6 years old – but even then it would be none of her business. You just look the other way and keep it moving. What is it with some people – women especially – who feel the need to judge other mothers on their choices?
Recently this video made the rounds on social media, and the message rings true to me.
If we are doing what we believe is in the best interest of our child – whether breastfeeding, bottle feeding, getting a nanny, putting our child in daycare or being a stay-at-home mom – all of it is our choice and no one else’s. Taking care of a baby is already exhausting, lovingly draining and emotional as it is, so the last thing we need is someone else telling us that we’re doing it all wrong or questioning our every move making us doubt ourselves even more. No two parents are alike just as no two children are alike – so what works or didn’t work for you doesn’t necessarily apply to the next mother who is doing what is best for HER child.
I was so concerned that I’d even be able to breastfeed my son since my sister’s milk never came in with my nephews. I had seen her struggle with the decision to bottle feed her children until they became jaundiced, so ultimately she did what she had to do and they turned out just fine. When I realized that not only was I able to nurse him, but he thrived on it well past one year, no one was going to tell me when I should stop. That would be something my son and I would decide together since I’m choosing to let him self-wean. We’ll both know when the time is right, and I won’t be guilted into doing it a minute sooner. How about we as mothers stop bullying other mothers into doing what WE think they should be doing with THEIR kids and mind our own business? Let’s support one another instead .
