So, it is May 2026, and the robots have officially been told to wait their turn. President Trump was supposed to sign a massive executive order about Artificial Intelligence, but he called off the ceremony at the last minute. Word on the street is that the AI might have started writing its own laws, or perhaps the presidential pen ran out of ink at the exact moment a toaster started looking suspicious. Either way, the silicon uprising has been rescheduled for next Tuesday, pending a software update and a better catering menu for the signing table.
In other "end of the world as we know it" news, Stephen Colbert has finally escaped. The Late Show is officially closing up shop, which means America’s premier source of nightly sarcasm is going dark. After over a decade of pointing out that everything is weird, Colbert is presumably retiring to a secluded cabin where the only thing he has to mock is a particularly pretentious squirrel. It is a sad day for comedy, but a great day for anyone who actually wanted to get eight hours of sleep instead of staying up to watch a monologue about the latest political catastrophe.
Not to be outdone in the chaos department, some Capitol officers are heading to court. They are suing over a federal fund, proving once again that in Washington, the only thing more complicated than making a law is actually finding where the money for it went. It is a classic tale of "I will pay you back on Friday," except Friday was three years ago and the debtor is the United States government. At this rate, the lawyers will be the only ones left with enough cash to buy one of those delayed AI robots.
Basically, if you were looking for a quiet Thursday, you came to the wrong year. Between the delayed robots, the jobless comedians, and the missing millions, 2026 is shaping up to be just as much of a circus as the ones that came before it. Just remember to tip your delivery driver, because they might be an AI with a grudge by the time the next executive order actually gets signed.
