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Right about now, many moms are opening their Mother’s Day gifts, taking the first sip of their brunch mimosas and taking time to literally smell the roses they’ve gotten for the holiday. But when tomorrow comes, the nation’s single moms will once again face the daily obstacles that come with raising children on their own.
Thankfully, recent stats show that the brithrate for unmarried mothers has been on the decline since 2008 (14 percent so far), particularly for teens, Black and Hispanic women and women who haven’t gotten their college degrees. In fact, the one group that has seen an increase in single motherhood is women ages 35 and over, who are often making the conscious decision to have a baby on their own.
Still, The New York Times notes, 40 percent of births in this country are to single mothers who are most likely to be single, Black or Hispanic, lacking in education and have a greater chance of living in poverty. According to Census Bureau figures furnished to MN by FlexJobs.com, a site that helps jobseekers find part-time and freelance work and jobs with flexible hours, “There are 9.9 million single mothers living with children younger than 18 in 2014, up from 3.4 million in 1970.”
It’s critical that we address the issues that face single mothers so that they improve their lives and the lives of their children. Moreover, our society will function better when we put systems in place that benefit everyone and set the stage for individual success.
“The number one issue that plagues single moms starts with inception and the birth of the child,” Joi Gordon, the CEO of Dress for Success. In the workplace, that means maternity leave.
“Can the US ever fix its messed up maternity leave system?” asked Bloomberg back in January. Paid maternity leave “doesn’t exist in the US,” the article notes. While some companies offer time off as a perk — 12 weeks under the Family and Medical Leave Act for full-time workers at companies with 50 or more employees, additional time if you work for a company that offers it — only half of Americans are in positions to take advantage of it. And only a portion of this is paid leave.
“In 2013, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) introduced legislation that would make employers offer new parents three months of paid leave at 66 percent of their salary, but the bill, the Family Act, has been stalled in Congress for more than a year,” the article says. Even if it passes, there are still the financial issues that families will face.
We are the only country in all the world besides Papua, New Guinea that doesn’t offer some sort of paid maternity leave, the article continues. Seventy-eight countries also offer some sort of paternity leave. States are stepping in to fill the gap, but many are still left out. (In Sweden, by the way, families get 16 months, two of them for fathers.)
According to Sen. Gillibrand, Congress doesn’t think the issue is important enough to address, citing the fact that Congress is largely made up of older men. They’re also wealthy, another factor that makes the issue seem less critical to them, and also speaks to the disconnect between our federal legislators and many of the people they govern.
“It’s a complete disregard for women in the workplace,” adds Gordon, who says we need to see more women in leadership positions, such as Congressional seats, in order to see change more quickly go into effect.
Hand-in-hand with that is the need for flexible schedules so that single moms don’t have to work part-time jobs.
“It’s sad if we think it’s OK to work a bunch of part-time jobs to make ends meet,” said Gordon. “We have to get to the point where we value the time and energy put into raising a family as much as building a company.”
FlexJobs also provided us with a link offering suggestions for how to get your boss on board with the idea of offering a flexible schedule and 10 jobs that can be done from home.
In addition, we approached the GOP for their thoughts on the issue. (MadameNoire also approached the Democrats, but didn’t hear back.) They referred us to Star Parker, the founder and president of the Center for Urban Renewal and Education and a conservative leader in the party. After a contentious conversation between us, Parker boiled her thoughts about helping single mothers down to two things: the need for child care and the need for housing.
“In the marital home, the need for day care before age five is lessened. Fewer people who are married need child care,” she said. She believes we need to discourage single parenting, which creates a supply-and-demand dynamic when it comes to child care services. There’s a “limited supply of day care” and “prices go up” as a result. Child care centers are regulated, so Parker suggests a policy reassessment that will facilitate the opening of new centers rather than lots of “penalties or disincentives” that keep the number of facilities low.
Parker also believes there needs to be a reassessment of the public policies surrounding housing programs such as Section 8. There should be, instead, a “voucher so [single mothers] can live anywhere rather than in certain communities that are plagued with social ills,” she said.
Finally, she suggests that we take a look at welfare policy. “We need to take the incentive out of welfare policy that encourages and rewards single parenting,” she added.
Welfare policy was again top of mind for conservatives in the wake of the riots in Baltimore. Republican leaders like Sen. Paul Ryan (R-WI) have called for changes to the system and a pulling back on programs such as food stamps. (One politician suggested food stamp grants should be revoked from people involved in the Baltimore protests.)
US News & World Report notes that the rioting in Baltimore was done by teens who were motivated by social media calls to imitate the movie The Purge. But more than that, parts of Baltimore that have higher concentrations of African-Americans also have higher rates of poverty and skyrocketing unemployment rates. This, according to some conservatives, is proof that the welfare system isn’t working.
“While some of the increase since then is a result of demographic and other structural changes, we’ve clearly been throwing a lot of money at poverty in the city without much result,” writes Michael Tanner at the National Review.
US News continues:
Republicans would like to see states have more flexibility in how they implement federally funded assistance programs; Ryan’s most recent anti-poverty plan would do so by consolidating various government programs into single block grants for states. Conservatives would also like to bulk up some of the work requirements put in place through the welfare overhauls enacted in the 1990s under the Democratic administration of Bill Clinton.
Other experts in the story note that not all families living in poverty are the same. You have to take these nuances into account. And, to be effective, you have to consider other systems, such as the criminal justice system, and its role in creating poverty. And finally, we must remember that the basics of life — putting food on the table and providing a living wage — have to be addressed to truly solve problems for poor families.
All that said, it’s Mother’s Day and we want to end on a high note. FlexJobs referred us to Emma Johnson, the founder of WealthySingleMommy, who offered some tips about building wealth while having a thriving personal life. While being a single mom is a lot of work and can be tough, it can be done.
“Ladies, don’t get swept up in the false mania that the stay-at-home married mom is the better mom,” Johnson told us via email. “Many of these scenarios produce helicoptered millennials that can’t take care of themselves in adulthood.”
Johnson offered six tips for single moms:
1. Surround yourself with positive women who you admire — married, single, divorced, whatever. Women who live amazing lives in career AND family.
2. Distance yourself from toxic people who are stuck in their lives and bring you down.
3. Go big. Set a goal that scares the sh*t out of you.
4. Create tangible steps to reach that goal. (Warning: you may reach it. Be prepared!)
5. Create a life that you can afford. You don’t “deserve” a big house, fast car or designer handbags and shoes. You earn those things. Once you have your debt paid off, savings in the bank and investment goals underway, THEN go shopping.
6. Every day ask yourself: “Am I living a life I am proud my kids see?” If the answer is ‘yes’ — keep on keeping on.
Whether it’s the ideal situation (as it is for a growing number of older women) or a situation that hadn’t been planned, single mothers exist and addressing their needs is critical for a thriving society. It’s not just them that we need to concern ourselves with, but their children, who are affected by the successes and failures of their mothers.
On this day when we celebrate mom and all she does, let’s take a moment to think of the hard-working, kick-butt single moms who make it happen every day of the year. And let’s advocate for the policies and programs that will make their lives just a little bit more manageable.
